When it comes to trying to manage cravings, perhaps this scenario is familiar to you…. The day is over, the kids are in bed, dinner has been eaten and the clean-up is complete. Time to relax you think to yourself. Your brain responds with time for a glass of wine, or some chocolate, or a cookie, or a slice of that leftover birthday cake, or potato chips or (insert your most commonly craved food here).
You check-in and determine that you are not actually hungry. But the craving is strong and the urge to give in feels so powerful. I’m sure many of you have been here before. I know I have and like you, many a time I’ve given in to this craving, night after night. Even when I say I won’t, by the time the next night rolls around, I find myself unable to resist it.
If you’re reading this article, I’m sure you’re looking for a better way. to manage cravings. I’m happy to tell you that there is one but there’s is a catch. It’s not easy to break a habit that is well worn into our brain’s neural circuitry. What I’m going to share is simple but not necessarily easy. However, I can tell you that it’s effective and worth the effort.
The primitive brain vs the rational brain
So, what gives us these urges or cravings, particularly for things that aren’t good fuel foods for us? Well, part of it is because our primitive brain evolved when there weren’t highly processed, hyper-palatable foods available to us. Our primitive brain sees highly dense sources of calories and all the lights go off. It’s like we’ve just hit the survival jackpot in the slot machine of life. If we store all these calories in our bodies, we’ll definitely survive the next famine!
However, we also have another part of our brain capable of thoughtful reasoning and rational decision-making, that can see into the long-term and determine that the short-term reward will actually not move us toward our goals. This part of our brain is well equipped to manage cravings. Unfortunately, when our primitive brains see a survival jackpot, it can be hard for our rational brain to argue with it. The long-term win of skipping the tasty food compared with the awesome short-term experience our primitive brain is throwing up for us just doesn’t stack up.
So, what is our poor rational brain to do to manage cravings when it’s up against our primitive brain instincts? Well, there are three options:
1) Give in to the craving
While this is always an option, there are a couple of downsides here. If stable blood sugar is your goal and you say yes to the bowl of M&Ms, well you’re not going to be achieving that goal. In addition, you increase the likelihood that you’ll give in to that bowl of M&Ms next time too. That neural circuitry just gets more and more engrained every time we repeat a habit.
Enter the screaming toddler
Think of those cravings or urges as a toddler that wants something. After all, the rational part of a toddler’s brain is not yet fully developed (you may have some experience with that!). Now imagine that you’re in the grocery store with this toddler. They decide that they HAVE to have the jellybeans you just walked past. You explain that now is not the time for jellybeans and the screaming begins. Your child has just completely freaked out by the prospect of not getting those jellybeans. People are staring, you’re getting a few glares from the non-parents that haven’t got a clue how difficult this is. You’re starting to feel uncomfortable as you feel like the whole store is staring at you.
Finally, the screaming is just too much. You’ve had a long day at work, you’re tired, you’re running late and you just don’t deserve this today. You grab the jellybeans and hand them to the toddler who instantly stops the tears. Peace has returned and you feel your body relax as the quiet washes over you. Then in the next aisle over, your child spots a stuffed bear and decides they HAVE to have it and the screaming begins again.
The child quickly learns that if they scream, they’ll get what they want. They’re smart like you after all, right? Just like the toddler, your brain does the same thing. The last time we saw M&Ms I threw up all the jackpot lights and we got M&Ms; the M&M craving and response gets grooved into your neural circuitry. The more you give in, the more your brain will crave it next time and the more likely you are to give in.
2) Resist the craving
This option can work for a lot of people but typically only temporarily. We can use our will power to simply try to not act on the urge. Often in the process of doing this, we tense up, we close ourselves off to the urge. Think of the term ‘white-knuckling it’—the image of a tightly clenched fist. It’s that feeling in the grocery store when we’re desperately trying not to give in to the screaming toddler after a long day at work and the glaring customers. It’s not very pleasant and very energy consuming to keep up. Many people can keep this up for a long period of time but what tends to happen is that eventually, we give in. This energy-draining process can only be handled for so long and then we crack. Ever tried to resist eating something that you’ve told yourself you’re not eating today only to have it continually haunt you until you finally give in? This is what happens when we simply try to resist or avoid our craving. So, what else can we do?
3) Allow the craving
What? How is this possible? To answer that, we need to look at what it means to allow an urge. What does it actually look like?
How to Allow a Craving
There are three steps to allowing a craving:
Step 1) Take a Pause
The first thing you need to do is stop. Pausing is very important. In order to manage cravings, we need to actually take the time to recognize that ‘hey I’m craving something here’ before our hand goes into the cookie jar. Without this pause, there will be no opportunity to do something different from what you’ve always done in the past. We tend to treat cravings or urges as emergencies but they’re not really. Not acting on your urge will actually not have any negative consequences. You won’t die, it just might feel like it in the moment.
Step 2) Examine the craving and breath
Really take in how the urge is feeling in your body. Don’t resist it, just observe it with no judgement. Be curious. Now, this is not going to feel good. Just like listening to your toddler having a temper tantrum doesn’t feel good. You’ll be restless and want to get rid of the feelings but just stick with it. That restlessness is just your primal brain looking for a reward. Emotions are just vibrations in our bodies. One thing that research has shown is that extreme emotions actually don’t last very long. If we simply let them run their course, they will pass, often in 90 seconds or less!
While you’re observing the sensations in your body, remember to breathe. This will help you relax and cause the urge to feel like less of an emergency. As you do this, you can start to think about what events led up to the craving; what were you thinking? Were you creating more desire than was really warranted by making those M&Ms out to be just what you need when you actually know better?
Managing your mind can help you avoid getting into this confrontation with urges but that is an article for another day. For now, sit with the urge, identify what it feels like in your body; just observe it. You can even start thinking about what a Rockstar you’ll feel like when you don’t give in to the urge. As you breathe, direct your brain toward curiosity, what you truly desire long-term and how great you’ll feel when you move toward that goal, the focus on that sweet or savoury treat will gradually dissipate.
Step 3) Celebrate!
Yes, part of creating new habits and breaking the old is the emotions we attach to them. It’s no different here. When we manage cravings successfully, we need to give ourselves a high five! If you read my post on WOOP, you’ll know that envisioning all the good things that will come from successfully implementing a habit actually helps us to be successful in executing that habit.
Maybe your reward is giving yourself 15 minutes of reading your favourite book, a bubble bath, a nap, or just some solid high fives in your mind. Whatever you choose, this celebration piece is one of the most critical parts of reinforcing the behaviour of not giving in to your cravings. This is what helps to create new neural pathways in our brain that associate taking a pass on that urge with positive results.
Now, this three-step process will not eliminate those urges and cravings for life. Our primitive brain is always going to light up a little bit around calorie-dense, hyper-palatable foods. However, each time you successfully move through a craving it will reinforce that new neural pathway and make the next time easier. If you think you could use some help with managing your own cravings, consider arranging a free 30-minute consultation to see if health coaching may be just what you need.
