Prioritizing your health can be difficult at the best of times but maintaining your health when life gets tough can feel impossible. I don’t often write personal posts but I thought my recent experience might be helpful to some. I’m human, like everybody else – not perfect, always looking to learn from my mistakes and do better next time.
Life before
I am blessed with a simple life. It hasn't always been that way but certainly, I would consider my day-to-day experience to be pretty uncomplicated.
Earlier this year, we found out that my husband's uncle was diagnosed with cancer. He needed a place for both him and his dog to live near a cancer center. We also anticipated he would need some of our time to support him while he underwent treatment.
I imagined a tired, elderly man who would require a quiet place to rest for him and his dog. I was prepared to provide meals, laundry, and transportation to his appointments, etc. Unfortunately, that did not go according to plan
The Tough Parts
Without getting into all the details, the uncle deteriorated quickly resulting in periods of confusion, tube feeds, and meds needing to be given regularly including through the night. It was 24/7 care.
I was soon unable to work due to the time required to keep up with his care requirements. He couldn’t be left alone. After a week my mom moved in with us to help so that I could try to go back to work. Then his brother arrived from out of the country to also stay with us and help however, with COVID, he needed to quarantine for 14 days.
This meant my mom, both uncles, and the dog with my husband and me in our small home. Add on multiple emergency room visits, telehealth calls, incontinence and a visit from the paramedics and our quiet life quickly spiralled into a very full, very busy household.
How I Coped
I have to admit I did not cope very well at the start. My exercise program went out the window, my sleep deteriorated as I had to be up in the night to give medication. With poor sleep, I found my dietary choices also deteriorating. I had moments when I just broke down in tears when it seemed like there was yet another issue that I needed to take care of.
The first thing we did was bring in help. Luckily my mom lives alone and has been wanting to volunteer in a long-term care facility but has been unable due to her age and COVID. She was eager to come to stay with us and help with the uncle’s care which freed up some time in my schedule after a few days of training.
With this newfound time, scheduling became critical. Each day we would negotiate a time when my husband and I could get out for a walk with the dog, or I could go for a run, and most days we made this happen.
My mom is a night owl and graciously offered to take care of any night-time needs. I still felt uneasy at night, almost traumatized by the activities of the preceding week, but my sleep improved a little.
My dietary choices remained reasonably good with vegetables and protein at most meals.
Things that Worked
Maybe it sounds like I handled all this like a rockstar. But I'm telling you I did not feel like much of a rockstar at the time. There were things that worked and lots of room for improvement. Here are the things that worked for me.
1) Setting Minimums
This is something that really worked for me. I still managed to get some nutritious food in me and keep my body moving (though maybe not as much as I would have liked). How? I want back to setting minimums. I wrote about this a few weeks ago.
My previous schedule was just not going to happen so I had to come up with something that would. Vegetables and protein at lunch and dinner and walking 4 out of 7 days a week were where I set the bar. There was no point in lamenting what I couldn’t do. I had to focus on what I could.
2) Creating a 24-hour plan
The 24-hour plan is something else I touched on briefly a few weeks ago. You can read more about it here. By setting up a 24-hour plan outlining my food and exercise for the following day, I had the opportunity to negotiate with my family when I could carve out time to exercise. We all needed a break, so we planned on how to make that happen.
Choosing what I was going to eat in advance ensured that my rationale, executive brain was making good food choices for me as opposed to the impulsive choices my more primitive habit brain might have made, in the moment, when I was hungry and frazzled.
The planning also meant that I was able to anticipate grocery needs in advance so there were no ‘there is nothing to eat’ moments.
Things I could do better next time
To err is human and just because I'm a health coach doesn't mean I'm also a work in progress. While I was pleased with what worked as I look back on that period of time, I also identified (judgement-free) where I could do better next time.
1) Better mind management
OK so by things, I guess I really mean one thing but it's probably the most important thing and the most difficult thing to master and that is managing our minds.
Despite making reasonable food choices most of the time, I found myself returning to some old behaviours of soothing my anxiety with food. Overeating and under-exercising left me feeling lethargic. I had trouble concentrating on work, even when I had the time. Our very full house meant I felt there was little alone time for introverted nature.
In retrospect, I recognize that much of this was just how I was thinking about the situation. I wasn't managing my mind and this is where my biggest lesson was learned. Here are a few examples of where I let my mind tell myself stories that really weren't true:
1. I felt that I was responsible for the well-being of everyone under my roof.
Was this true? Was I really responsible for all of these adults?
No.
There were lots of people willing to help but the story I was telling myself prevented me from asking for the help I needed and accepting it.
2. I felt that it was impossible for me to create more time for me to be alone and recharge my social batteries.
Was this true? Was it truly impossible?
No.
I could have retired to my bedroom early in the evening for as much alone time as I needed but my notion that I needed to take care of everyone had me up with everyone else.
3. I turned to food when I felt overwhelmed by it all.
Was food my only option?
No.
I could have retreated to my bedroom and taken the 90 seconds required for a feeling to pass through our bodies and privately let my feelings out.
4. I spent a lot of time feeling frustrated by the situation and wishing things were different.
Was this a good use of my time?
No.
I could have spent more time recognizing all of the help the others in the house were there to provide, accepted that help, and focused on how to make things better rather than resisting what was.
Moving forward
Just like making changes to your health, you can focus on the negative or give equal airtime in your head to thoughts that will make it easier for you to be maintaining your health when life gets tough
I look back on my experience and recognize all these ways that I could have made things easier on myself, but do I beat myself up for this? No. Like everyone else, I’m human. Like everyone else, I make mistakes. The important thing to recognize is that my mistakes don’t mean I’m less worthy than any other human. Like everyone else, I need some coaching from time to time too, and I actively seek it.
The great thing about coaches is that they can recognize this unproductive thinking when you can't necessarily see it yourself. They shine a spotlight on where you might be making things more difficult for yourself than you really need to.
If you need help prioritizing your health during some of the tough times you may be experiencing, consider having a coach of your own. Book a free consultation to find out if health coaching might be right for you.
