I was speaking with a friend recently who is passionate about financial literacy. She noted that people that seem to be struggling financially, also seem to have issues with their health. They stress about their considerable debt, but they continue to overspend on items that don’t serve their basic needs. They state that they want to lose weight, but they continue to overeat and choose foods that don’t serve their weight loss goals. In all cases, they know how to manage their money, they know how to make more nutritious choices, but they don’t. There is something stopping them from improving their food and money relationships.
This got me thinking about the parallels between our unhealthy relationships with food and money and what we can learn from them. But first, let’s define a few things starting with what healthy food and money relationships look like.
What do healthy food and money relationships look like?
When we have a healthy relationship with food, we mostly choose whole foods that we enjoy and that contain the nutrients and calories our body needs without extra fillers that don’t necessarily serve us.
Similarly, when we have a healthy relationship with money, we mostly choose to spend our money on things that give us value, without overspending on extra features or attention-grabbing flash that doesn’t serve our needs or values.
When we have a healthy relationship with food, we mostly eat what our body requires. We don’t overstuff ourselves pushing away from the table feeling like we need to unbutton our pants in order to breathe comfortably.
Similarly, with our money, we mostly only spend what our budget will allow us, not getting caught up in a spending spree that drains our savings.
Healthy does not mean perfect
Now healthy relationships are not perfect. Occasionally we’ll indulge in food that has no nutritious value, just because it tastes great. And sometimes we’ll spend money on an item that we know is overpriced but we really like it.
Occasionally we will push away from the table feeling like the stuffed turkey at Thanksgiving and every now and then we’ll get our credit card bill and realize we’ve exceeded our budget this month.
Healthy relationships are not perfect relationships, but they allow us to eat and spend in a way that allows us to achieve our goals with little bumps along the way to those goals.
Unhealthy food and money relationships
You've probably got a sense now as to what unhealthy relationships look like.
Perhaps we regularly turn to online shopping after a stressful day at work with little thought to what it might be doing to our savings account. We engage in ‘retail therapy’ when we want to feel better.
Perhaps we regularly spend our evenings zoning out in front of the TV with a pint of ice cream, barely tasting it as we shovel it into our mouths or always turning to snacks to make a work project more bearable.
When do we consider relationships unhealthy? Well, that depends on the person, but ultimately it depends on your goals. If your health and your savings account are not where you want them to be, then you’re at least dipping your toes in the water of unhealthy.
So what does this mean?
So, you might be thinking that I’ve simply pointed out that we might have work to do in more than one area of our lives. However, I’ll argue that, while the mechanics of making changes might look different when it comes to money or health, you actually have one primary area to work on that will help both, managing your mind.
We humans often seek relief from feelings of boredom, stress, overwhelm, disappointment, exhaustion/burnout, sadness, anxiety/social anxiety, or restlessness. We evolved to process our negative emotions by physically running away from the tiger chasing us. Now, with our largely sedentary lifestyle, we don’t have that same outlet. The boss’ critique of our work feels just as horrible in our bodies as that tiger chasing us but we’re stuck at our desks. We also haven’t necessarily learned how to feel our emotions, to sit with them, accept them, process them and let them pass through us.
Whether it’s your relationship with money, food, alcohol, cannabis, gambling, social media, or smoking, it tends not to be about the substance but about managing our mind and our emotions.
Many of us grow up being told to “stop crying”, “it’s not a big deal”, or “you shouldn’t feel that way”, essentially telling us that our feelings are not valid. So instead of processing them, we look for things to help us avoid, buffer or soothe the feelings we don’t want to feel by turning to external solutions like food or shopping.
Why is this important?
Until we learn to manage our thoughts and process our emotions, resolving our relationship with one substance may just lead us to turn to another. There is a reason that many smokers turn to food, gaining weight when they quit smoking; drug addicts become heavy smokers when they cut out the drugs and; alcoholics complain about a sugar addiction when they quit the alcohol. Sure, there are physiological processes at play too when we’re dealing with addiction but there is a reason they turned to that substance or outlet in the first place.
What can we do?
In order to start improving our relationships with these external influences we need to start with these three things:
- Identify what we’re feeling. This can be challenging for those that have been in the habit of ignoring their feelings. With a little practice, though, you can become a pro.
- Allow ourselves to experience the feelings or emotions happening in our lives keeping in mind that the goal is not to be happy all the time. Life is 50/50. Half the time we’re going to feel better than neutral and half the time we’re going to feel worse. This is normal. We need to know that these feelings - both and bad - are coming and that they're all OK.
- Have the courage to feel whatever feelings are going on without using a substance as a distraction. This too can be a challenge but again, something that can be mastered with practice.
Becoming aware of our feelings and learning to be OK with them is just one aspect of learning to manage our minds and emotions.
Do you need some help with your relationship with food? Consider a health coach to walk you through the process. Sign up for a free 30-minute consultation here.
What a great read.